Coming out but not really…

Photo by Steve Johnson

My coming out story: 

Truthfully i have never really “come Out” as the turn states, so it is kind of funny to even be writing this. i come from a family who we are raised to love everyone and not treat anyone different no matter there skin color, there race, gender, sexuality. But have you ever felt like even though they say its okay, its only okay because “its not ” in ‘Our” family? As far as i know i am the first, i am the first person in my family throughout many generations to be a part of the LGBTQ community. Am i a lesbian ? NO am i gay ? NO am i transgender? NO, i am Pansexual. A term which is becoming more and more commonly heard of now a days but was less common while i was grown up. Pansexual meaning in simplified terms, i can love anyone, no matter there gender or sexual orientation, who they identify as, I can love and be with them because i care about what is on the inside of that person more then whats on the outside. 

I always knew i was different growing up. Yes i like guys but that’s what you where supposed to do. Girls liked Boys and Boys liked Girls that’s just how it was when i was growing up. Where there certain people who where considered the “rebels” of my generation and who put it all out there? yes of course, every generation has that. But me i did for the most part what i was “supposed” to do. Well up until i turned 16 that is LOL 

As i got older i just knew that something was different about me, i started to have a strong attraction to people of the same sex as me. I started to notice certain things more about women then i ever did, i started to become more engaged and more attracted. IT became such a freeing experience to be able to just be me. It was almost like i was free because i was me but also a bit of a trill because it was like i was doing something, liking someone i was not “supposed” to like. And i have never looked back ever since, and as i move forward i continue to just be me. 

WHy is it though that people feel the need to hide there sexuality? Why is it that we feel like we have to hide and why we can not be ourselves? i have a coworker that never tells customers she is married to a woman, she lies and says she is married to a man, why? why do those of us that are a part of the LGBTQ community feel we need to hide? Its because even though people say we are equal, even though “society” says we are accepted there are still a VAST Majority who do not. Believe it or not there are still people in this century that think it is not normal to be in any type of relationship unless its male and female. We still have families who are not okay with this, they are okay as long as its not in “there” family. Look at me for example i still have not fully come out to my parents or family as being Pansexual because i have children and i am afraid of the back lash. Even though my family says it would be okay, i would still be the first in my family for generations to “come out” 

I await a day when we really all are equal, a day when people didn’t need to “come Out”, a day when we where all REALLY free to just be ourselves and be who we really are. A time when love is love really meant Love i Love without judgement or hoops to jump through. A time when we didn’t have to hide who we really where. A time when we truly really all where one nation united under the freedom to be who we really are on the inside as well as on the outside. 

August 17, 2020

Written By: Amanda Paige Medina

Author: Amanda Paige

I am a 30 year old woman, i have two children and i work full time. I am far from normal, but that is a good thing. I go through everyday challenges with friends, family, loved ones, and work just like any other person would. But at the end of the day I am me and no one is going to change that. Your true happiness is all that matters at the end of day. Life may not be fair but you can sure make it fun!! Living my best life; Life is long so make sure you live every day to the fullest Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or Licensed Psychologist please seek help if you need it.

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