Have you ever felt like you and your partner are not sexually matched? Like one of you wants it more then the other? Or maybe you guys had sex a lot at first and as the years went on things changed and now you guys barely have sex and barely touch each other now.
I have a really high sex drive and I personally feel like I have never met anyone who sexually matches me or is on the same level sexually as me and that makes it really hard to be sexually satisfied. Having a mental illness magnifies the feelings and magnifies the fact that I have a high sex drive because it makes me become hyper focused on it. I become over sensitive to my needs not being met and it is so hard. I get upset, I over react, I get mad, and I feel neglected. It makes me feel unwanted and constantly like I am unfulfilled. It’s almost like a drug. I feel like I need it all the time and I want it all the time too and it makes life so much harder.
Most people can ignore the fact that they are not having sex like they “need to” or like they “want to.” But not me; it drives me crazy inside and out. My whole mood changes, i become down and angry and I just can’t control it. I have been working on it in therapy and my therapist, she has been coming up with exercises for me to try. Slow breathing, meditating, refocusing of my energy and my mood, but sometimes it just doesn’t work and I get angry. I don’t mean too and it’s not life or death but I just don’t know how to handle it and sometimes there are things not even medication can control. My medication does a really great job at controlling my emotions and at controlling my ups and downs with manic episodes but it just doesn’t work when it comes to sex and my emotions.
Having a high sex drive is also hard on your partner/partners especially if you are not sexually matched with them. Not everyone is the same sexually and sometimes it is just hard to find your equal. If your partner and/or you are willing to adapt then it makes things easier, but if one or both of you are not then you have to sit and analyze if being together is really worth it and if you will be getting what you need out of the relationship moving forward. People can only take so much, and sometimes two people just don’t go together and that’s okay. You have to decide how important sex is to you and to your relationship. Yes sex is not the end all be all when it comes to relationships, but sometimes it is more important to one person then another. For one person not having sex or poor sexual experiences may be a deal breaker, for others they can adapt and get used it.
For someone with a mental illness simple things that certain people can adapt to may be magnified and those may be complete deal breakers and that is okay. You need to do what is best for you in the long wrong. You need to do what will help you mentally put your mind at ease. Sometimes I forget that me having a high sex drive is also hard on the people or person I am with. It could make them feel inadequate or like they are less then because they do not match my sex drive. Mentally this can be draining and exhausting. But if you are willing to work on things with your partner and you feel it is worth it then you do whats right for you and everything will be alright in the end.
I haven’t yet figured out where having such a high sex drive comes from. Whether it’s a chemical in balance, or I was just born this way. Either way it is something I struggle with constantly on a day to do basis. One day my therapist or psychiatrist might figure it out or there may be a study or research that is done somewhere to figure out why some people have higher sex drives then others. But until then I will just continue to work on me and this day to day with my partner and hope it will all turn out okay.
September 27, 2020
Written By: Amanda Paige Medina