Trust… It you ever come back when it’s been broken…

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When trust is broken is there a way to get it back?  There was an incident about a year and a half ago, at first after the stroke and concussion i did not remember it, but then it came back to me like a wave and flash. I was lied to and deceived by the two people who mean the world to me. Something i would never have even dreamed would happen, but it did. Something i would never do to them was done to me and everyday since has been a struggle for me. The deceit was so deep and then afterwards i was not even given time to heal before next steps where taken to move forward. It was like i was hurt so deeply and so badly but nobody cared, at least that’s how i felt. I felt like nobody cared that they hurt me, nobody cared that they lied to me, nobody cared that they conspired to withhold information from me. The pain when the memory came back felt like it was just happening yesterday. All the feelings i had moved past came back like a swarm. It is hard for me to trust. I am such a caring and loving person, and i give trust so blindly especially to people that i really care about because i never think or feel like they will hurt me, i never think that people i care so deeply about will do something like that to me but it happened. It happened and it was bad, it was twice as hard and hurt twice as bad because it was betrayal from two people not just one. i give them credit because they have been working hard to make sure they earn my trust back. As far as i know there have been no lies since the “incidents” have occurred there have been nothing withheld or not said to me. But it’s always in the back of mind now and i just don’t know how to get it out of there. I do not always want to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, i do not always want to waiting for the heartbreak to come and the pain to return. I just want to live my best life with the two people that i love and be as happy as we can be. These are two people i am choosing to spend the rest of my life with, two people who mean the world to me. Two people who i love more then anything and two people i hold in such high regard. I put these people on such a high platform it was hard for me to accept this and go through it. Everyday i work at it and everyday i move towards trusting more and more, even though i am scared and terrified to be hurt and lied to again. I know it will be a work in process forever but its just hard. Sometimes i wonder if re trusting is working, but i love them so much that i feel like they are worth it and i know that this is the place for me and where i want to be. Every day i work at it and everyday is progress. Do you have any tips on how to retrust? any tips on what has worked for you or what you are working on ? Leave comments in the comment section, I am all ears to any feedback because i feel like they are worth it. 

September 12, 2020

Written By: Amanda Paige Medina

Author: Amanda Paige

I am a 30 year old woman, i have two children and i work full time. I am far from normal, but that is a good thing. I go through everyday challenges with friends, family, loved ones, and work just like any other person would. But at the end of the day I am me and no one is going to change that. Your true happiness is all that matters at the end of day. Life may not be fair but you can sure make it fun!! Living my best life; Life is long so make sure you live every day to the fullest Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or Licensed Psychologist please seek help if you need it.

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